Critique my story? I really need opinions! 10 points!?

some of your adjectives and adverbs can be dropped, and the ones that are left don't really fit - there are better ones you could use... also, people don't have to "noisily state" things, or "loudly question"... it should be plain ol' "stated" or "said", and "asked"... overall it's an interesting story, but some of the words are just a little "off"... for instance, "During the course of the day, I finish off my routine chores but cannot help but surmise that I should be isting in the fighting for our country." would be better as, "As I do the day's chores, I can't help but dwell on the state of our country. I feel I should be helping out in some way." as any professional writer will tell you, edit, edit, edit.... and then edit some more. try to take out as much of the extraneous stuff as you can, and find ways to simplify what's left over. but, yeah, it's a great "blueprint" - just put in a little extra work, clean it up a bit, and it should be an A+, no problem... oh yeah, and don't be afraid to use plain ordinary language - big words, or in this case "19th century sounding" words, aren't always necessary, and if you use them incorrectly they only detract from the story and disrupt the narrative flow.